A Griever’s Guide to Holiday Survival
Tips for a Gentler Season
The holiday season is upon us. We just wrapped up Halloween, and soon, the familiar loop of It’s a Wonderful Life will start rolling on the hour. You may have noticed holiday decor already appearing in stores, reminding us that the end of the year is just around the corner. For those of us who are grieving, this season brings a unique mix of emotions—a reminder of yet another year without our loved one by our side. The festivities, once filled with warmth and togetherness, can feel bittersweet or even overwhelming.
If you’re dreading the upcoming months, know you’re not alone, and there are ways to ease some of the more challenging feelings that often arise during this time. Over the years, I’ve gathered practices that have helped me and others face the holidays with a little more ease. I hope that some of these ideas will help lighten your heart as well.
Here’s my Top 10 List for holiday survival when you’re grieving:
1. Go Out of Town.
For my daughters and me, traveling between Christmas and New Year’s became a way to create new, joyful memories in a fresh setting. Being somewhere different offered us a break from familiar reminders and allowed us to laugh and find joy together, without the weight of past traditions. If going far isn’t feasible, even a day trip somewhere new can give you a mental reset.
2. Try Some New Decorations.
If decorating feels like a painful reminder or just adds stress, consider switching things up. Maybe a simpler approach—fewer decorations or a different theme—will feel right this year. Letting go of traditions that no longer serve you can open space for new ones that feel more aligned with where you are today.
3. Start a New Tradition.
Creating new traditions has helped many people in grief reframe the holidays in a way that feels more meaningful. Try something you’ve never done before, like volunteering, hosting a holiday brunch instead of a dinner, or planning a “favorite holiday movie night” with close friends or family. These new rituals can breathe fresh life into a season that feels heavy with memories.
4. Make Time for Remembrance.
It’s natural that your loved one will be on your mind, and honoring their memory can bring comfort. Share stories about them, look through old photos, or make a special dish they loved. This can be a time of remembrance that’s gentle and comforting rather than overwhelming, keeping their spirit close.
5. Carve Out Time Just for You.
Holidays are stressful under the best of circumstances, but when you’re carrying grief on top of it, things can quickly become overwhelming. Schedule downtime for yourself and stick to it. Whether it’s a solo coffee break, a walk, or a quiet hour with a book, this time is essential for your well-being. If needed, ask a friend to check in with you as a reminder to prioritize yourself.
6. Say “No” Without Guilt.
Holiday invitations and “obligations” can feel impossible, especially when you’re already running on empty. Give yourself permission to say no to gatherings or events that don’t feel right. And if you’re unsure, create an exit plan so you can leave early if needed. A simple “I’ll try to stop by for a bit” gives you the freedom to leave after 30 minutes if that’s what feels best.
7. Ask for Help.
The season can bring an overwhelming number of tasks. If you were the main holiday host in the past, this might be the year to pass the baton. If you do host, consider asking friends and family to contribute—whether that’s bringing a dish, helping with clean-up or handling some of the decorating. Remember, you don’t have to do it all alone.
8. Find Ways to Laugh.
Laughter can feel out of place in times of grief, yet it’s a powerful healing tool. Science has shown that laughter can reduce stress and boost mood. If guilt arises, remind yourself that laughter doesn’t diminish your love or loss. Your loved one would want you to find moments of happiness, however fleeting they may feel.
9. Seek Professional Support.
Sometimes, we need a little extra help to navigate this season. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a grief-informed therapist or coach who can support you. Their guidance can make a big difference in how you experience the season, allowing you to process difficult emotions in a safe and supportive space.
10. Celebrate How Far You’ve Come. Acknowledge the journey you’ve traveled since your loss. Every step you’ve taken to get here deserves recognition. Give yourself credit for the resilience you’ve shown and the growth you’ve achieved. Take a moment to honor all the ways you’ve managed, survived and found strength, even on the toughest days.
The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. If you feel like you’re simply surviving this season rather than fully celebrating, that’s okay too. Be gentle with yourself, allow the sadness to coexist with small moments of joy, and remember that each year, your relationship with this season will evolve.
Here’s to navigating this holiday season, one gentle step at a time.
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