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Thoughts from Widow Coach Jody LaVoie, ACC

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Start Writing No Matter What

“START WRITING NO MATTER WHAT, THE WATER DOES NOT FLOW UNTIL THE FAUCET IS TURNED ON.”


- LOUIS L'AMOUR


We have all heard about the importance of journaling, but are you doing it?


There’s a one-in-two chance you’ve kept a journal, according to Psychology Today. In their surveys, they determined that half of us have written in a journal at some point in our lives, and somewhere in the neighborhood of 1 in 6 people are active journalers right now.


Which camp do you fall into?


For widows, journaling is especially important. I had kept a journal at various times in my life, but I was certainly not a consistent writer, unless you count when I was a teenage girl in my journal with the lock on it to share all of my most intimate thoughts, likely about boys. (The lock was to keep my brother out of it.) But, when Steve died, I needed a place to dump so many different thoughts.


I didn’t start regular journaling right away, but I wish I had. For those who know me, I am the kind of person that likes to start at the beginning to learn something new. If I buy a cookbook, I read the opening remarks and the introduction. The same was true with learning to journal. I took a journaling class. 😂  I have to say, it was time well spent.


I had been following Suleika Jaouad, New York Times bestselling author, Emmy Award-winning journalist, creator of the Isolation Journals, TED Speaker and spouse of Jon Batiste. She hosted a class on New Year’s Day to teach people how to journal. I thought, what a way to have a new beginning in a new year, so I signed up. During Covid she hosted a journaling challenge, and I was all in: 100 days of journaling guided by a daily prompt from her or someone in her circle. This was really more of  a creative writing project. It challenged me to think creatively, which I had not done in this way in a long time. It also gave me a new perspective by having a window into someone else's world through the journal prompt, since there was always a story that went along with the prompt. For anyone who wants to give it a try just once per week, you can sign up for free to be a part of her Isolation Journals via this link.


Journaling is an integral part of the work that I do with my widow clients. As widows we have lost our closest confidant, and there is so much we want to share but don’t have our person anymore with whom to do that.


Here are ten reasons why a widow might find journaling beneficial:


1️⃣ Emotional Outlet: Journaling provides a safe space to express and process emotions. It allows you to release pent-up feelings, which can be crucial in the grieving process.


2️⃣ Self-Reflection: Writing allows for introspection and self-reflection. It gives you a chance to understand your thoughts and feelings better, helping you gain insights into your own emotional state.


3️⃣ Preserving Memories: Journaling helps preserve memories of your loved one. You can document special moments, stories and even your feelings about them, creating a lasting tribute.


4️⃣ Healing and Coping: Putting your thoughts on paper can be a form of therapeutic release. It can help you cope with the pain of loss, reduce stress and promote emotional healing.


5️⃣ Setting Goals: Journaling can help you set and track personal goals. This could be related to your grief process, personal growth or any other aspect of your life you wish to focus on.


6️⃣ Gaining Perspective: Writing can provide distance from your immediate emotions, allowing you to gain perspective on your situation. This can lead to a clearer understanding of your own needs and desires.


7️⃣ Strengthening Resilience: Through journaling, you can reflect on your own strength and resilience. Documenting challenges and how you've overcome them can serve as a powerful reminder of your inner strength.


8️⃣ Building a Support Network: Sharing your journal with trusted friends, family or a therapist can open avenues for support and understanding. It can help you feel less alone in your grief journey.


9️⃣ Tracking Progress: Journaling allows you to track your progress over time. You can see how your feelings evolve and notice positive changes, which can be incredibly affirming.


🔟 Rediscovering Yourself: After the loss of a spouse, it's common to feel like a part of your identity is lost. Journaling can be a tool for self-discovery, helping you reconnect with your own desires, interests and aspirations.


The power of journaling is real. If you are not journaling now, I encourage you to give it a try.  Start small, but be consistent. If you don’t know where to start, just Google some journal prompts to get you going.

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Read more from Jody on her Wisdom Wisdom Blog

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